Publisher's Synopsis
The Three Types of Forgiveness YouShould Know AboutExonerationWhen we use the term forgiveness, our mind automatically thinks about exoneration. Exoneration can be defined as having all your bygones forgiven and starting with a clean slate. You can think about this type of forgiveness as a `forgive and forget` action. When you exonerate someone, it's as if the issue never occurred in the first place.The most frequent situations in which exoneration occurs are: -Genuine Accident-Responsible, Remorseful & Reparative-Unintentional HurtExoneration is a common type of forgiveness applied to either accidents or situations in which kids are involved. It is one of the purest forms of forgiveness, as it implores one to restore a relationship to its initial state completely. The goal of exoneration is all about encouraging a fresh start with others.To reject forgiveness under this circumstance would not only damage our relationship but the fault would lie on us more so than the other person. To choose to hold onto old wounds would mean to choose anger over the relationship.In this way, the other person has already tried their best at making amends and rebuilding the relationship from scratch. To choose to allow the old wounds to linger would mean that you chose resentment over saving the relationship.ForbearanceForbearance isn't as straightforward as you might think. It refers to a partial apology. But at the same time, it might involve a person using a weakened apology to still hold you accountable for part of the blame. Sometimes the individual might go to extra lengths to portray you as a bad person. His or her purpose might be to lessen their burden and come out as the person on the right side. If anyone important in your life starts exhibiting these behaviors, you should start practicing forbearance. The distinction between forbearance and exoneration is that in forbearance, the issue is not entirely removed. This means that you will have to keep a close eye on the other person to avoid further distress. You can perceive this as a state of mind in which you forgive, but you don't forget. Indeed, you can continue your relationship with that individual, but you will constantly feel a lack of trustworthiness when his behavior starts to change again.The most frequent situations in which forbearance occurs are: -Partial Apology-Inauthentic Apology-Apology Mingled with BlameIn most cases, if you value a relationship, you will end up practicing forbearance; this requires a lot of acceptance and restraint. You will offer others the benefit of the doubt and your forgiveness while pursuing self-restraint to the best of your ability.The requirement for forbearance is when your significant other makes a half-hearted apology or mixes in their sadness with placing the blame on you for their transgressions. All this is done while giving an underwhelming apology that does not give you the closure needed.For example, let's imagine a scenario where your partner said something that hurt you or did lash out against you because they were angry. While your partner may have some sense of regret, they cannot own the fact that they did not need to say those things.Forgiving in these scenarios is a lot more challenging, especially when you know you didn't have any responsibility. Forbearance demands understanding, self-restraint and tolerance. We are still able to remain in the relationship with our partner because despite their imperfections, they are still significant to us.Even though you stop dwelling on the problem and set aside fantasies and grudges of revenge, you maintain a degree of vigilance. This is similar to "trust but verify" or "forgive but not forget."Forbearance allows you to maintain a close tie to the people in your lives who mean a lot to you, despite their imperfections. It is the gift of closure with verification.
